


Game Night

by Yallsehood



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Anxiety, Background Fluff, Game Night, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Internalized Arophobia, Patton and Roman in the background, Pizza, Platonic Analogical - Freeform, Platonic LAMP - Freeform, Platonic Relationships, Roommates, Virgil Angst, Virgil is aromantic, Virgil struggles with identity, and they were ROOMMATES, aroaace Virgil, aroace!virgil, everything is platonic, light fluff, mostly angst, struggle with self acceptance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:28:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27497968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yallsehood/pseuds/Yallsehood
Summary: No one had seen the emo all day, and he skipped out on their dinner plans. It wasn’t abnormal for Virgil not to go out, but when Logan, Roman, and Patton realize the apartment is the same as it was before they left, they figured they should find out what’s going on. Logan, Virgil’s best friend, finds Virgil struggling to accept himself for being aromantic.
Relationships: Platonic Analogical
Comments: 5
Kudos: 40





	Game Night

**Author's Note:**

> Content Warning: Virgil struggles to accept himself for being aromantic. There are mentions of internalized arophobia ahead!

It was murky as a swamp in there - in the boy’s mind. Maybe that was why he was resting his forehead on his kneecaps, or maybe it was the crushing feeling of defeat. It wasn’t his fault he was in the position he was in. What else was he supposed to do? It was as if someone took aromantic pride flags and wrapped it around his lungs so he was suffocating in his own identity; he was drowning in who he was meant to be. Virgil could barely keep his head above the rushing rage of the ocean that was swarming his brain. Not even listening to music appeared to be helping him. It was helpless..

Most people feel pressure from society, and for some reason Virgil felt that more than anything. He was extremely anxious, but he was an emo. He held a borderline punk aesthetic with the way he dressed in his everyday life; he just wasn’t the same as everyone else though. Some part of Virgil had no desire to fit in, but he had no want to stick out either. He knew he was an outsider, but he didn’t actually want people to see him standing outside of crowds. The thing is, he felt like his identity was a label on his head. Why would anyone want to be around him now? That just seemed ridiculous. He had no romantic attraction for anything or anyone. People throughout their lives are told you need to find love so you are worth something. Hell, Virgil had read so many things that explain there is a kind of love one can only get from a partner, and that this kind of love is the best kind in the world. 

Being aromantic made Virgil feel isolated from everyone else. He couldn’t get that extra special kind of love that everyone was expected to find. Virgil wouldn’t be able to find a guy to fall in love with and spend the rest of his life with. Virgil always thought he was gay, but he wasn’t. He was aroace. For some reason the words that defined his identity felt like poison. He always wanted to fall in love… and now he was just scared of being alone for the rest of his life. For now he had roommates, but what happened when all they went off and got married? That was terrifying for Virgil. 

Speaking of roommates, the three other men that lived there came in through the front door. They decided to go out to dinner that night since they often tried to go out together every Friday night. Worry not, they did invite Virgil, but Virgil decided not to go with them. He wanted some time to think, but now he just felt disgusted with himself. 

Patton turned on the lights to the apartment and noticed there were no dirty dishes in the kitchen. He had done them last night; slowly, the peppy blonde boy in the light blue polo shirt and cat skirt pursed his lips. 

“Patton? Are you displeased with something?” Logan spoke up confused about Patton’s sudden discontent. He thought the three of them had a good night together. Their conversations were all adequate, the food was more than satisfactory, and no one walked away from the table irritated. Logan followed Patton’s eyes to the kitchen. “Is this because it was Roman’s turn to do the dishes last night but you did them?”

“Oh goodness no!” Patton exclaimed before Roman could burst in with the dramatics. He didn’t want any kind of argument to go on. “It’s more of the fact there are no dirty dishes.”

“That’s because you washed them, Patton. I don’t see-”

“It is because he washed them the night previous.” Logan interrupted Roman’s confusion. He honestly didn’t understand why Roman could be so thick headed sometimes. He didn’t want Roman’s idiocy to take away from the fact there was something going on here. “Did Virgil not eat? Is he still home?”

Roman looked over at the coat rack, and he saw that Virgil’s outside jacket was still hung up on the wall. There was no way Virgil would have gone outside without it since the emo often got cold. He looked over at the other two that also lived in the apartment. “He’s still in the house, guys.” He explained. Roman looked over and saw how nervous Patton looked. 

Patton’s eyebrows were furrowed. He walked into the living room and checked to see if the television was warm or not - it wasn’t. The couch still looked neat; in fact, the living room looked untouched from when Logan had rearranged it earlier that day. Yeah, everyone was doing some cleaning and arranging in the apartment lately. Anyhow, Patton looked over at the other two. “Has anyone actually spoken with Virgil today?”   
“He could be having a rough day. He is selectively mute.” Logan offered up as an explanation. He knew sometimes Virgil would close himself completely off if he was feeling mentally unwell so he did not have to use ASL to communicate with the others. Not to mention, Virgil also tended to stay in his room when he was sick, and he was not feeling well. Logan cleaned off his glasses while he was deep in thought. “Perhaps he ordered himself dinner so he did not use any dishes.”

“Maybe…” Patton sighed as he looked up the stairs of the apartment where all four of their bedrooms were. He wanted to go up there, but he knew he could be a tad overbearing when Virgil was in a bad mood. “Should we talk to him?”

“He’ll come out when he’s ready I’m assuming.” Roman shrugged. He also knew he was not always the best when it came to comforting Virgil. He knew he never had the patience he needed to help the emo. 

Logan looked at the last text conversation he had with Virgil. More often than not, Logan and Virgil did confide in one another. To be fair, they had been best friends for a very long time. Logan took a deep breath and looked at the other two. “I can attempt to communicate with him. I think he might want some kind of company. You two should go on and have game night without us.”

“Are you sure, Lo?” Roman asked. 

Slowly, Logan nodded. He knew whatever was going on with Virgil had to be serious if the other hadn’t come downstairs to greet him when he arrived at home. “If not, perhaps I can join you in a game.” Logan said, and then walked upstairs. He was very concerned about Virgil due to the radio silence he was giving. Not to mention, the last time he and Virgil texted Virgil had vented to the logical man. 

There were no lights on in Virgil’s room since he was pretending he did not exist for the time being; he was deeply struggling due his thoughts. He didn’t want to be the person he was. He was terrified to be anyone else though. Everything was building up, and he swore his thoughts were going off like bombs. Was his brain in a tub of poison? Why couldn’t he ground himself again? Perhaps it was due to the fact his music was not helping at all. There were still headphones resting on his ears; it was almost as if they did not belong here. Everything felt wrong. He didn’t feel like himself. He wanted to fall in love, and he wanted to be able to experience what a first date was like. Sure, he would be nervous as all hell, but it would be nice to experience it. Have someone look into his eyes and gently hold his hand. Maybe he would even get to slow dance as a chaste kiss was placed to his cheek… and what would he feel? Nothing. Nothing at all. 

Being asexual presented its own challenges, but Virgil had come to terms and accepted himself for it. There were just struggles he faced with the label aromantic. He knew it fit him, but he felt so robbed of something he had wanted his entire life. There was no room for a romantic relationship now. He just did not understand why this was so hard to accept… 

Despite the room being dark, Logan knew Virgil was inside of his room since he could hear muffled music coming from Virgil’s headphones. The logical man was unsure if Virgil would be able to hear him, but he decided to knock on the door anyways. He did hear Virgil shift on his bed, so at the very least he knew that Virgil had heard him. “Virgil, it’s-”

“Logan.”

“Yes, may I come in?”

“Sure, I guess.”

Logan had slowly crept into the room so he could see Virgil; once he got inside, he noticed Virgil was slowly sitting up. Their eyes had yet to meet, but even an idiot could pick up on the somber mood inside of Virgil’s room that evening. He swallowed, but he did not show his concern in his own blue eyes as they met Virgil’s purple ones. 

Something clicked in Virgil’s head once the eye contact had been made. The fear was present along with the confusion. He tightly hugged Logan. There was some tremoring happening now because Virgil didn’t have the words to explain who he was to Logan; he could not even begin to explain how he was feeling. Honestly, he was not sure Logan would even understand him. Where would he even start? 

Before Virgil knew it, there were tears slipping down his face; he really despised the fact he was crying right. He hated it. Virgil feared it would make him appear weak, and he did not want anyone he loved thinking of him in that light. He always did his best to make sure he protected those he loved; however, sometimes Virgil needed to be protected from his own fears. Sometimes he could fight them off, but he was weak today. These intrusive thoughts had obliterated his normal walls and defenses. 

There was silence in the emo’s room as his nerdy best friend holds him. Logan was rubbing his back gently, but he did not say anything for Virgil’s sake. He knew sometimes there had to be some comfort that is accessed through physical touch before there is a discussion. Besides, Logan did not mind Virgil hugs. He knew Virgil understood when he was not in the mood for physical touch, and he deeply appreciated it. For now, he was accepting of Virgil’s hug. The two men remained like this for quite some time. 

Eventually, Logan decided this embrace had gone on long enough, and Virgil had seemed to calm down quite a bit. “Virgil, would you like to discuss what has been going on with you?” Logan inquired. 

It was clear to see this was not going to be easy for Virgil, but he decided this is something he needed to talk about. Slowly, he nodded. “It’s getting bad again.” He tried to take a deep breath to explain. The murky swamp of his mind was placing weight on his chest still. It was almost as if the burdens he was dealing with were physical. He just didn’t know how his mind became a wasteland. 

Logan was somewhat confused by Virgil's statement. He knew there was a lot of disharmony that was conducted within the emo’s brain. “What is? Your anxiety? Your night terrors? Virgil, if it-”

“The fear.” Virgil said, and he almost immediately got choked up again. Normally, Virgil wasn’t this emotional, but he was so ashamed of himself. He didn’t even want to be looked at right now. “I don’t… I don’t wanna be fucking aromantic, Logan. It is making my headspin, and I don’t know what to do again. I feel like my stomach is in knots, and… I don’t know. I don’t have the words.”

“Is your chest heavy again?”

“Yeah. It feels extremely hard to inhale.”

Logan nodded, and he tried to think for a moment. He knew he often attempted to encourage Virgil to lay on his back when he was feeling this way, but it usually made Virgil feel worse. For now, he sat on the edge of Virgil’s bed and let his best friend rest his head on his shoulder. Both Logan and Virgil were not super fond of physical contact; however, this touch was keeping Virgil grounded right now. Even so, Logan was doing his best to think fast because he knew Virgil hated silence - it just let his demons creep further into his mind. Slowly, Logan had gingerly placed Virgil’s weighted blanket around the emo’s shoulder. He hoped this would suffice for now as he stepped away. “I will be right back. I am going to get you some stuff you make when you are doing self care. Have you eaten?”

“Yeah…”

“Virgil.”

This time Virgil looked up at Logan. He sighed as he shook his head. There was no point in lying to his best friend. Logan could read him like a book; they had been best friends for such a long time. Honestly, Logan was the closest thing Virgil had to family. 

Logan was able to tell just by the way Virgil had spoken the tall emo had communicated a falsehood. “I will be right back. Can you listen to some of the meditation playlist I shared with you?”

“It doesn’t always work, but I’ll try.”

“The water sounds, Virgil. I know you are fond of storms. Just put your headphones on, and listen.” Logan said. “Where is your comfort hoodie?”

“Dryer…” Virgil mumbled. “I asked Patton to put it in there for me earlier.”   
Without another word, Logan stepped out of the room. He went back downstairs, and he saw Patton and Roman playing The Game of Life. He knew Patton was rather fond of the game due to the family aspects, but sometimes the tragedies in the game would highly upset him. Still, they seemed to be having a good time. Roman had almost zoned out as he was watching the colorful wheel in the middle spin. He hadn’t even noticed Logan had come downstairs.

Logan immediately went to the kitchen, and he started making hot chocolate for Virgil with cinnamon in it. He’d add a few miniature marshmallows in once he was done making it. He also looked over at the other two. “Roman and Patton?” He cleared his throat.

“Huh?” Roman nearly jumped as he looked over at Logan. “Oh my goodness, you are back downstairs!”   
“Is Virgil alright?” Patton immediately asked Logan.    
Truthfully, Logan was expecting these questions, but he was not going to give away that Virgil was struggling with his identity. He did want to keep Virgil’s struggles private if that is what he wished for. “I am taking care of him right. He is going through a rough time right now, but I am choosing to keep his struggles private because he is struggling to open up to me as it is.”

Patton nodded as he fidgeted the cat pillow he was hugging. “Of course, Lo! We want to make sure Virgil is comfortable.”

“Same here!” Roman chirped. 

It seemed as if Virgil was anything but comfortable. The way Logan imagined Virgil’s comfort is about as comfort as a turtle feels when they retreat back into their shell. Anyhow, Logan took a deep breath. “Thank you both for being respectful. I am sure he will appreciate it.” He adjusted his glasses. “As I recall, we all agreed the restaurant we were at served things in rather small proportions. Virgil is feeling unwell, and has not eaten. So can we order-”

“From Virgil’s favorite pizza place? Yes! I love that place.” Roman exclaimed. He knew it was for Virgil’s comfort, but he adored the place. They also happened to have french fries there, and those fries were Roman’s favorite in the entire state. Not to mention, all the workers there happened to super nice even when things went wrong. “I can take the order.”

“This shall be satisfactory. Lastly, Patton, Virgil mentioned you put his comfort hoodie in the dryer earlier today. Is that true?”

“It’s in the laundry basket just outside his room!” Patton knew this meant Virgil was not doing well at all, but he was glad Virgil had someone like Logan around to take care of him. He was sure Logan was thinking all of this through. “Are you waiting for the hot chocolate to finish?” Patton asked.    
Logan nodded as he watched Roman run out of the room to call Virgil’s favorite pizza place. He sighed softly. “You two are not too discontent with my absence from game night, are you?”   
“Not at all, Logan.” Patton hummed as he walked into the kitchen. He adjusted his own glasses and wrinkled his nose. He could smell the cinnamon Logan was going to put in Virgil’s hot cocoa and it made him smile. “We just miss you.”

“Hm,” Logan hummed, “well, there is no need to miss me. I am just upstairs.” Logan explained as he finished making Virgil’s mug of hot chocolate. Time seemed to figuratively fly when he spoke to Patton. “Did you want what was leftover from Virgil’s hot cocoa?”   
Patton’s face lit up as if it was Christmas morning. Quickly, the childish man nodded his head. “Yes! Logan, you always make amazing hot chocolate! Are you you don’t-”

“I am not currently in the mood for it. Take as much as you want.” Logan said. He grabbed Virgil’s Jack Skellington mug and sprinkled in about eight mini marshmallows on top of the cinnamon hot cocoa. With that, he went back upstairs to return to Virgil who was in distress over his aromanticism. He was hoping he could help Virgil calm down, and maybe just take care of him. He knew Virgil didn’t  _ need _ anyone to take care of him, but he was going to attempt to assist his best friend in feeling better. 

The nerd was cautious as he entered Virgil’s room again, and he noticed the emo had taken his advice. Virgil was laying there listening to some of the meditation sounds Logan set down the hot chocolate before he tapped Virgil on the shoulder to let him know he was there. “V?” He asked calmly.    
In response, Virgil hummed and paused the meditation. He sat up slowly. He did seem much less panicked as he looked over at Logan. “Holy shit. You actually made me hot cocoa, L? You didn’t need to do that.”   
Shugging, Logan offered it to Virgil as Virgil invited him to sit more comfortably on the bed. He looked at him. “Do you want to talk more? We have some time before dinner arrives.”   
“I thought you already ate.”   
“Yes, but you have not. We are all going to eat with you.” Logan shrugged as he looked at Virgil. He noticed he got quiet after that. Was he avoiding the subject? “We do not have to talk about it if you do not wish to, Virgil.”

Part of Virgil wanted to run away from this feeling. He didn’t want to be stuck in this box he had put himself in. Life was going to be difficult if he never learned to accept himself; he knew everyone told him these things took time, but Virgil was not sure how much longer he could go on like this. How long was the road to acceptance and why weren’t there pit stops? He was exhausted. He didn’t want to keep living like this. 

Once again, Virgil struggled to exhale, and he knew his grief was returning. He mourned the loss of the romantic dreams he once had. He felt nothing. He would never feel anything in a romantic sense due to where he was on the aromantic spectrum. He knew he was doomed. He would never have a husband…

“Logan, I can’t do this.” He eventually answered. The pain was in Virgil’s voice, and it carried throughout his entire body. His own heart was just shattering. His mind playing games with him telling him the world made him this was because he was unworthy and he wasn’t enough. “I can’t sit here and live with the fact knowing all of my friends are going to go off and get married and abandon me. I can’t live with the fact I can’t have that. I can’t get married and I can’t feel any love no matter how hard I fucking try, I can’t be who I thought I was…. I can’t be proud, Lo.”

The way Virgi’s voice broke at the end of his sentence seemed to tug at Logan’s heart a little bit. “Virgil, you know there are going to be some lifestyle differences, but I am not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“You will.” Virgil looked at him. “I know you will. Logan…”

“Virgil, please, just listen.” Logan said to him. He wanted to make sure that Virgil would be okay. He knew all of this was extremely hard on him. “You are an exceptionally amazing human being, and you are living a good life. You have food, love, and shelter. This love may not be coming in the way you expected it to, but it is still there.”

Virgil listened to Logan, and he just nodded along. He knew Logan was right. That did not mean Virgil wasn’t struggling though. “I just can’t seem to learn to accept myself, L. I don’t know what it takes to get there.”   
“Can I let you in on a secret?” Logan said quietly to Virgil. “Not everyone knows how to get there, but you are valid, Virgil. I am sure you know that. You have what it takes.” Logan offered another hug to Virgil which he accepted. “I know it is still going to take you time, Virgil, but I am always here.”   
Virgil took a deep breath. Honestly, support like this was all Virgil could ask for right now. Acceptance was something he needed to work on his own, but with good friends like Logan, he was sure he could find his way… somehow. It would just take time. Despite the fact Virgil’s mind was still filled with doubt, he knew things like this would take time. It wasn’t a satisfying feeling knowing suffering like this could continue, but his suffering was not forever. His suffering was valid, but it wasn’t infinite.

Shakily, Virgil took a deep breath. He looked at his best friend as he hugged him tighter. “Thank you..” He sighed. “I know it’ll take time. I’m valid.”   
“You are.”   
“I’m sorry…” 

“No need.” Logan said. He just felt Virgil nod in understanding. There was no reason for him to apologize for his struggles or for who he was. Logan would always be there for Virgil whether it was anxiety, illness, night terrors, self worth, or whatever else it may be; he knew Virgil would do the same for him in a heartbeat. Logan was going to support him. 

There was a quiet but sudden knock on Virgil’s door, and Logan looked over to see Patton looking inside shyly. “Hey, I didn’t want to interrupt but the food is here, and Roman might eat all of it. He’s really excited.”   
“Was dinner not filling or some shit?”

“No, it was not.” Logan filled Virgil in. He didn’t move yet though. He was not going to let go of Virgil until Virgil was ready to let go of him. “Virgil, did you want to come downstairs?”

There was silence for a moment. Virgil knew cutting himself off from his other roommates would likely only hurt him worse. He didn’t want to just wallow in self pity right now. He should at least try to distract himself. He got up and opened the door so he could see Patton. “It’s game night still, right?”

Patton smiled and nodded. He tried not to say anything too excitable since he got the picture from Logan Virgil was facing something very hard. “Yes, it is. Lo said you were-”

“Having a rough day? Yeah, sure I am… but I wanna come to game night.” Virgil shrugged casually. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

Patton ran back downstairs to tell Roman the good news and that they should probably let Logan or Virgil pick the game since the two of them were not originally playing. It seemed the two of them were just as jubilant as ever. 

Logan walked up to Virgil and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You know you do not have to do this. Virgil, if you are unwell-”   
“It’ll be fun.” Virgil smirked as he crossed his arms. He looked up at Logan who seemed shocked Virgil was ready to come out of his room so soon. “I just need a distraction, okay? I appreciate you helping me, Logan, I do. I… yeah. I love you, dude.” Virgil hummed. He started walking downstairs with Logan.    
Logan hummed as he shut Virgil’s bedroom door behind him. “I love you too.” He said to him. He knew that was not the kind of love Virgil’s heart was missing, but he was sure Virgil’s aching heart would learn that love is love no matter what. Logan would always platonically love his best friend, and he would always be there to catch him when he falls. 

The two males joined Roman and Patton downstairs for game night and some pizza. Even though Virgil’s heart was still weighing heavy, there were some light moments for him to enjoy now. Honestly, this was sometimes all Virgil needed: warm pizza, some boring board game, and his friends. He would cherish these moments forever. Times might be hard, but he could always rely on his roommates to cheer him up. Virgil might not express it, but he loved his friends. They were more than enough; he just hoped that he was too. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this aroace Virgil fic. The road to acceptance is always hard, but remember you are valid! Accepting yourself can take a lot of time, and it is one hell of a journey. You’ll get through your toughest days. 
> 
> If you liked it, please let me know and feel free to check out my other aroace Virgil fic if you’d like!
> 
> Edit: some aromantic do have spouses! Some end up in romantic relationships too. That’s valid! This story just came from a personal place, and my experiences.


End file.
